Conflicted

Have you ever really thought about the thoughts in your head? Like, tried to sort them or put them into words? It's really hard. Because some of the things I think, I would never ever say...ever. And then I have this blog, right? And people have blogs (or at least some do) to get things off of their chest. Things that they're really feeling. Because they can't tell it to someone in person. Because if they do, they're emo, or have no right to say such things.

And it's embarrassing, right? We, as Americans, don't know how to handle feelings with each other. We've got to be happy so that others can be happy...even if we're not happy and others aren't happy. Seriously, tis a cultural thing. You go to Russia and best friends (even male) walk arm in arm. And toasts at dinners are long and sincere. And no one laughs. No one is awkward or uncomfortable. Why is it so hard to be open?

I mean, hell, what if I had a problem I just wanted to write down? What if I wrote...a poem or something (LOL) and wanted to share it with the world? But I was too scared. See, even that inserted paranthetical back there, unnecessarily adding humor to lighten the fact that I might write poems. I really don't, unless required, but do you see what I mean? Am I making sense?

50% or something of jokes told daily have some truth to them. So if your friend is like, "Oh, yeah, I totally hate my mom sometimes, LOL" they could seriously be telling the truth. And how sad is that that they can't share it with someone? Not to mention the receiver of such knowledge. We are so ill-equipped to handle something like that. What do you say if someone tells you heavy shit? "Oh...I'm sorry, bro. I dunno."

Maybe not. Maybe you have eloquence or can even relate on some level to some people's problems. In my case: I don't. I can't relate to people on a lot of things. I don't know what to say. And if I did know what to say, I might not say it, because it might be the wrong thing for the person I'm trying to help. But should I try anyway? Do people just want someone to listen, or some advice as well?

I guess it varies.

But, for example: if I wanted to post some of my innermost feelings on here, I couldn't. Why? Because I know at least two people semi-personally who read this blog. And therefore, I can't. I mean, I could, but I won't

And a friend just came over to give me pasta. The thought process is broken.